If you're new to the To Choose Joy community, I'd love to take you back to where it all started.
Some of the most popular posts from my original blog to catch you up, if you're interested:
- The Diagnosis (Part 1)
- The Diagnosis (Part 2)
- Why I'm Not Asking Why
- Getting This Leg Moving
- Today, I Wanted to Mope
- Why Suffering?
- Regaining Ground
- Don't Let Setbacks Steal Your Hope
In October of 2014, I was diagnosed with a debilitating nerve disorder called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS). It changed everything. And I suffered a great deal in the pain and in the changes to my body. But God was there. He is faithful.
I had to learn what life looked in the not doing. Because I couldn't do. From a wheelchair for months to crutches for longer, to a beautiful reprieve of walking, and then back down again. I had to learn that I'm not in control. But God was there. He is in control.
I had to find a new identity in motherhood because I could no longer nurse my infant boy, I couldn't play with my little girls, I couldn't hold them, carry them, and could barely care for them. But God was there. He is kind.
I had to learn what it meant to be a wife to Sean when all of a sudden, I couldn't do so many of the things that had felt like shaped and defined who I was in our marriage. But God was there. He is good.
It's been a long road, and it hasn't been easy. But I'm not alone. God is here. He carries me.
- I've learned about patience and acceptance.
- I've learned about mercy and grace.
- I've learned about giving and receiving.
- I've learned about longing and loss.
- I've learned about joy through pain.
And I've learned about resilience. To be resilient. Because God is my strength. And His strength truly is made perfect in my weakness.
To get to see His strength, I consider it an honor to be weak.
I'll cling to this beautiful truth, regarding my life before this disease and the journey I still walk on:
I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things, (Philippians 3:8).
So, in my own weakness and in the great strength of Christ, I'll walk on. Whatever that looks like. Leg's underneath me or not. The reward of knowing Him and being found in Him is far greater than anything I could grasp at otherwise.
Would you walk with me?
To learn from Him. To rest in His love. To be comforted in His safe arms. To find hope in trusting Him and joy in worshiping Him with every breath and every step.