We didn’t know if I’d ever walk freely again. And I was promised a life of constant, excruciating, debilitating pain.
Three years passed while I fought through pain and unpredictability and inability. From wheelchairs to crutches to hospital beds to my husband’s arms—carrying me from moment to moment, from day to day. Other people's arms carrying my little ones, because I couldn't carry them myself.
All the while, we were held by God’s strong arms, always carried close to his heart.
Then came the fourth year. I was sought after for a trial for a new treatment. But the cost of eleven plane flights and long periods of time far away from my family...we didn’t think it was possible.
Still, God made a way.
It’s a bone cancer treatment doctors in Italy found effective for treating CRPS. Risks of spontaneous broken bones didn’t put us off because the pain of CRPS is far worse. My collarbone broke on day two.
For two months, we didn’t see any improvement in my leg.
God made a way.
Then, one day, in the middle of icy January, as if out of nowhere, my leg felt...better. I walked without crutches. And I’ve been walking ever since, getting stronger every day. In almost no pain at all. I had forgotten what that could feel like.
They don’t know how long it will last, but I’ve learned how to live in unpredictability. And I’m thankful. Because weakness keeps me keenly aware of how much I need Jesus in every moment.
It’s easy to forget that something as seemingly simple as walking is a gift, completely empowered by the One who made the very legs we stand on. Everything belongs to Him, and He holds it all...us all...in His capable, powerful, loving hands. I don’t want to forget.
The last time heels graced my feet, I ended up with a rolled ankle that changed my life forever.
But for the first time since 2014, on the day we celebrate independence last week, I independently slipped pretty heels on my feet and independently stood up tall and independently walked on my toes.
Can you believe it? I hardly can.
For our hearts on the journey:
- Psalm 16, 30, & 145
- Isaiah 40:11
- James 1:2-4
- Romans 8:28-39
- 2 Corinthians 4
- Peter 5:10-11